I have nothing better to do, so I figured I'd post. Hm... what to say... I guess I'll elaborate on my feelings about the audition.
After, I felt like total crap. I hated myself, as I often do. Alex called me and asked if I'd go meet her and Jeff at Tacos & Beer to see her new haircut. It's a really cool haircut. But I couldn't get my mind off of how I hated myself for sucking. I was pissed and sad and crazed... blah blah blah. Not to mention the fact that I've been thinking of Samantha an awful lot these days.
On Thursday, It will have been three months. That's a quarter of a year. Three months ago this Thursday, I was sitting at the La Jolla Playhouse with Jennie and Mom watching Maria Eberline dance her ass of in CARMEN. Three months ago, I heard the song "What I See." Three months ago, I got the voice mails. I got the phone call. Three fucking months ago from Next Wednesday I had to wake up early and drive to Mervyns with Mom and buy dress clothes that weren't black. And this Christmas Eve, it will have been one year since Sam, Alanna, Alex and I played that card game at my party.
I don't know why I'm bringing all of this up. It's not hurting me as far as I know. I just feel... disconnected with life when I think about it.
Sorry. Anyway, I'm pissed at myself and all around melancholy because I'm getting all sentimental, and I'm just my normal, pissy, moody self. So I could hardly enjoy my delicious Southwestern Burger. Yum.
Upon what should I elaborate next? Well, I mentioned my weird anxieties. I am constantly afraid of what other people think even though I know that they are too busy thinking about themselves. It doesn't matter. I hate doing things in front of people who don't know me. It's like, they can think anything they want because they don't know me and therefore don't have to be nice to me in their heads. Onstage I can mime sucking a cow's udder in front of thousands of strangers, but I can't work out in front of people. I can't eat alone at a restaurant. I can't get ice cream alone. I can't stand in font of a Healthy Burger eatery because I'm afraid people will think I'm trying to loose weight. It's stupid and crazy, I know. There's tons more too. It's ridiculous. I'm crazy.
I'll end it there.
OH WAIT! NO I WON'T!!! You don't know this yet, but I went to a Summer Law Institute at UCLA this past summer. Anyway, I loved it, and I apparently did well because they called and asked me (and I've said yes) to fly to Washington DC and stay at the HYATT, ALL EXPENSES PAID and INTERVIEW THE SUPREME COURT JUSTICES OF THE UNITED STATES. Oh... and they're FILMING IT. I had to give up my Jersey Boys tickets, but hopefully someone will buy them off of stubhub or craigslist. I'll be gone the 4-7!!! At the HYATT! FOR FREE! TALKING WITH THE SUPREME COURT!
Can you believe it? I hardly can. I'm missing school Wednesday to go up to LA for an orientation to draft my questions. There's six seniors from California and 40 across the nation in all. And I'm one of them. BUHS has never seen something this big. Jeez, I just keep garnering my school more and more publicity. The Rotary Speech Contest, Drama, Mock Trial, RYLA, and now the SUPREME COURT! Mr. Mungia needs to start giving me a commission.
It is now 11:17. I must go to bed so I can suffer through Civics, continue designing my CD, and puddy the stage floor of Palmer.
That reminds me: The cast list will be posted tomorrow for Cuckoo's Nest. I have a feeling this is what it will be:
Randle P. McMurphy - 90% chance it's me
Nurse Ratched - Juanita Necessary or Kayleen Landy
Chief Bromden - Can't Remember His Name but I'm Very Sure
Dr. Spivey - Melissa
Billy Bibbit - Anthony Grummit
Dale Harding - Who Knows... 10% chance it's me.
Candy Starr - Haley Saracusa
I'll let you know tomorrow if I was right. These were all judging from the readings at the callbacks.
Until then, keep reading... that's somewhat of an empty phrase. Who the hell is reading?
-Big D
PS: I don't want to go to school. I hate school. I'll elaborate on that later.
