I'm a mole, digging in my hole, digging in my soul now, coming down, excavation...

In many ways, this blog is one of the few constant things in my life. It's where I keep a lot of memories, and when I read through old entries, it's like looking through old photos on facebook.

I've changed my opinion on photos. If it's not blurry and I don't look absolutely terrible, I keep it. Why erase yourself? I mean, who fucking knows if you won't look WORSE in twenty years? You may like seeing yourself the way you are, very very soon.

So, just over a week ago, I had an experience I won't go into the details of, but it made me realize a few things. I won't get too far into those either, but I will say I found some extreme emotional depth within myself, and I sort of found out that I do have the means to go deeper than I thought I could onstage. Currently, I'm faced with material in Three Sisters that asks me to weep twice, I believe, as two different characters. It's easy to get around on one, just because I'm going to take it in a direction where I'm throwing myself so far into the madness of my character's love that tears may just come up. I'm finally in the place where I can let go. I'm loosing my loyalties to people who's opinions would hold me back. And as our class shrinks and shrinks, I've found that my relationships with people have changed a lot. I was very hurt after the last cut, loosing people who I had gotten very close to. Loosing a partner is not easy, and I lost one acting scene partner and one movement scene partner.

I'm not really sure what I'm getting at.

-Big D

reasons to be... what?

I never thought I'd be involved in BFA dramz. I'm trapped in a Niel Labute play, a character who needs to express himself but can't do it. Why can't I go back to just talking about the drama?

"McBeth" is a smash.

If you throw a nerf ball over Oprah's hedge, maybe you'll get to go inside her house!

I have been so tired lately. I think it has to do with all the shit I'm doing. Movement is more of a workout this quarter than ever, and then there's the uber physical "McBeth" every night, and on top of those two, the gym is a new hobby. So yes, I'm tired. But I almost like it.

Thursday I slept until 11:30 since we had no Acting that day. Friday I slept until noon. Today I woke up just before 1. I was a little worried at first. Am I okay? I have been a little down in the dumps lately, but I'm pretty sure it's from LACK of sleep... so this is probably good, right? Eh, I don't know... Then I realized, as I stood up and had to try really hard not to fall, that my body is just tired. This weekend is our only break from "McBeth" rehearsals, and I'm just soaking in the relaxation. What's wrong with that? I'm sweating my ass of 2-3 times a day, so why not sleep til noon on my days off? I mean, a traditional New York actor rises at Noon and sleeps at 1 or 2... sort of. So give me a break. To those who say you can't catch up on sleep... fuck you. Why do doctors prescribe weeks of rest after patients experience exhaustion?

In other news, it's been an oddly emotional time, as I've told only a few people. I won't go into details, but I've been thinking a lot about Sam, John, and even my fucking dead pets... weird. And it's all been coming up in my mind in Voice class where we're doing some deep exercises with imagination and vision. Oh, and car accident crap came up too... out loud. I just hope I don't go from Gossip Boy to Tumultuous Conscience Boy, haha. I'm not too worried. Like I said before, it's all sleep, I'm sure. I was averaging 5-6 hours last week. Not enough for an ACTING program.

In other news, I've started/restarted a writing project. No hate about not working on the book, y'all. It's on my old hard drive. I need to transfer it soon, but that probably won't happen until after "McBeth" finishes. Then I'll have some free time.

Saw Date Night yesterday... it was really funny!


Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...

-Big D.

Exhilarated!!

I got cast in Gerry Hansen's "McBeth" and I couldn't be happier! For those of you who don't know, it is a Commedia del Arte version of the Shakespearean tragedy. Look up Commedia... it will blow your mind. Just got back from our first rehearsal which included a read-through, character work, and lots of exploration. I'm sworn to secrecy on all aspects of the production, but the end product is certain to be something I will be so proud of! The rest of my troupe are fantastic, every one of them. Such a physical form of theater is an exhausting challenge, but the results are truly magical. It's sweaty work... not even. It's sweaty play that will soon turn into art. Hell, it is art right now. You all need to come and see it!

Our show is an hour long, and we have three weeks from Saturday... The other three One Acts are all about 15-20 minutes long and they are the first bill (we perform after intermission). Apparently, even though their shows are a quarter as long as ours, and the largest show has half the amount of characters as we do (multiply our 10 characters times about 3 or 4 as far as costumes go), they feel that they have a tight schedule, and so our original opening night is an "invited dress". Nice, y'all. We'll be ready... they apparently won't be. It's a bit embarrassing, really. So our initial Friday night performance is an invited dress. How quaint.
Performances are in the Studio Theater on April 24-25 at 2PM, and April 24 at 8PM. We will also have Shakespeare in the Park performances April 30-May 1 at 7PM in Anis'oyo Park in Isla Vista.
Make sure to check us out!

In other news, we are working on Chekov this quarter in acting. I'm working on a scene from The Cherry Orchard as Trofimov with Garrett Ward, and it's going to be very fun and challenging. Irwin is teaching us for these first 5 weeks and it's been very interesting and honestly very helpful so far.
In voice, we are working on Shakespeare. We will perfect the way we speak his words, sonnets and all. We even get to write our own sonnets and do Poetry Jam Circles in class!

Movement is Acro Yoga... so challenging but AMAZING. Yesterday... I flew. I fucking flew. And I became a whale for a short amount of time. Life is Magical in Jeff Mills's class.
I'm having a ball this quarter, even though it is exhausting. The exhaustion is exhilarating.


-Big D.

So many things have happened...

... since my last blog. I hated not having a computer this quarter... last quarter. WINTER 2010 IS OVER!!!! It's been a great one. Highlights:

Ball Pieces:
Our ball pieces were so amazing. I didn't realize how intuitively creative my class was until this project. I did mine to "Dig a Little Deeper" from Princess and the Frog, and got raves across the board. In fact, it elicited tears from some faculty members... and BOTH of the cameras filming it failed. Oh well, it will always live on in memory.

In-class Scenes: It was wonderful to work with Allie this quarter on Picnic, which was super challenging but also lots of fun. Love you, Allie! Working with Erica on Loose Ends was quite an experience. The subject matter was very difficult to relate to, but we leaned on each other so much in our rehearsal process. I love her so much!

Angels in America Scenes: I got cast in two! Both as Prior, which I was ecstatic about. I worked with the very talented Emily Mckeown, Sigmond Varga, and Alyssa Williams. It was a pleasure to work on one of my FAVORITE plays as one of my FAVORITE characters.

Crucible Scenes: This scene was fun as well, though it was no Angels. I did make some great new friends outside of the BFA.

Dr. Daphne: I wasn't truly a part of Dr. Daphne until the final three weeks, but when I finally got into the thick of it (excluding the many private meetings for music rehearsals and table work) it was a blast. I'm very excited to see the final product on TV soon! I'll let you know when it happens. I made so many great friends!

There was a really huge scheduling conflict with Daphne and Super Saturday this quarter that freaked the fuck out of me. Just not a good deal, and I'll forgo the details here. Everything ended up fine, I just felt really bad, and in the end, indebted to the faculty for their support.

So, now I'm home for a few more days, and then Spring quarter starts. I'm one of the 16 lucky artists who get to continue in the BFA for one more quarter. I can't take for granted that there are no more chances after this. This could be it, and I plan to not waste a second of my time. I will continue to work my hardest, dedicate myself to the art we create, but most importantly to have fun. I love every single person in this department, and I can't wait to spend time with them again. I hope this quarter is the most fun/creative yet. I plan to have a blast.

Also, I'm on a gym kick, thanks to Melani Carroll and Brian Bock, two fantastic actors who invited me to take part in their exercise plan. So yeah... it's actually lots of fun, especially with them, and we hope to expand our group! The elliptical is very addicting, y'all.

So yeah, running every day down here like over Winter break, trying to stay on top of stuff.

My ipod got stolen... sadness. But I have my wonderful Droid!!!

I really need a computer soon. Might explore Wal-Mart or Best Buy soon.

Well, I hope you are sufficiently filled in. Last quarter was so busy, but lots of fun... but really really busy. I haven't been cast yet for next quarter, but we still have Grad Directed One Acts, Commedia Macbeth... er, I mean, "McBeth", and then there's AIDA across campus... not very interested. If scheduling conflicts happen again, life will suck big ones. Also, hopefully the film I'm working on, "Harry Balls and the Spontaneous Erection" will resume filming! Our one day was super fun.

Until later, y'all...
-Big D.

Discoveries!

The redhead juggles.

I am tired.

I feel 96% overwhelmed.

I have to keep going.


It's visceral.

-Big D.

Have You Seen Sweetie? Mmm... That girl got some girth on her!

Arrrright! Computer working once more, and I couldn't be happier. No. I couldn't be happier. Oh god, Wicked, go away. So, now I get to fill you in on everything that's been happening these past few weeks, there's a lot to get through, I'll try to simplify.

Week One was filled to the brim with tons and tons of shit to do. I rehearsed with my director for MonoFest about five times in all before our tech/cue to cue runs on the weekend. It was going well, but got a lot better when I found an audience. It ended up being a great piece, everyone enjoyed it, and I was proud. I definitely was not the star of the show, that prize goes to Trevor Shor as Delicious. He inspired me to be a drag queen every night. And it was bottom-line inspiring to watch him transform into that character so seamlessly, using bits of himself and his sense memory (we'll get to that) in order to create Delicious, which he did in a most sensitive, careful way. I believed him. Video link at the end.

Jak Watson and Emily Mckeown performed my monologues, Disney Princesses and Blood, both of which were huge hits! The crowd was totally responsive and those two talented actors really gave my pieces life. Their directors deserve a lot of thanks and gratitude from me.

Tuesday Week One was One Act auditions, I used Cuckoo's Nest, perf'd for Shaun, Colin (the directors) and Tom, my acting teacher, who was the faculty advisor. Tom gave me a laugh at the end, I felt good, and both directors shot me callbacks. Success! Callbacks were the next night, I read the plays, "prepared" my sides, and went in confidently. Reading for Colin was so much fun because I was grouped with classmate/scene partner Jordan, hammy Ben Margolith, stunning Kelsey Foltz, and radiant Maggie Yeomans. We all had ridic British accents and Maggie couldn't have been more kind after, wanting so much to work with me. Shaun's callback was next, and I didn't feel too hot about a few of my scenes (I was called for two parts), but when I finally did one with Emily Mckeown and Robert Torres, we rocked it.

I left the callback and headed over to Dr. Daphne auditions at CCS. Sang my song, read a million sides, two of them Russian (thank you Eastern Promises and Mr. Mushnik's yiddish). Sat there forever in the green room with the other auditioners, some my close friends. Throughout the night, things got really weird. I kept hearing how desperate they were for men, that they needed seven males and only seven auditioned. I was getting nervous because I had planned to not take Daphne if I made it into the One Acts. There was even a clause in the Daphne paperwork that said you could not be in any other productions along with Daphne. So, at the end of the night, I was told I was cast, though not for which character. I freaked, and went back into the theater to touch base with the director and musical director. The theater was full of the writers and techies (all thirty of them) as it had been when I sang/read.

After explaining my situation, they kept saying things like, "Well, you have such a gorgeous voice, we really need you in our cast. Is there anyone in the BFA who can sing as beautifully as you can? You are just so perfectly what we're looking for." I explained that I would love to do Daphne, but would have to cede to Department shows if I got in. They understood eventually, and promised alternate rehearsals if needed. I finally surrendered and left. It was eleven.

I checked the cast list on my way back. Shit. I was in! Shaun had cast me in a small part with one line. I felt on top of the world! I was cast in my first One Act! And tons of my classmates had made it in, too! Shit, what would this mean for Daphne?

I then realized I left my bag in CCS, set off to get it, hoping it wasn't locked and deserted. Ran into the Music Director, told him I had a small part, would probably be able to do it. "We need you." Blablabla... I had to jig open a window and crawl into the locked green room. Thank you movement, jeff mills, and increased flexibility! Then, I talked for a while with some of the writers. Their enthusiasm for the project touched me. I suddenly felt I had to give their work a voice. This is a section of the email I sent to the director after that:

Original work is very important to me, and I think it is lamentable that the Theater Dept is not presenting the New Plays Festival this year. I chatted with some of your writers and composers last night and realized that giving a voice to their work is something I can't wait to do. In short, thank you for overseeing this, as opportunities like it are hard to come by. Thank you for your kindness and understanding, and for trusting me with your and your students' art.

I have a lot of conflicts with rehearsals and that made for a terrible week of emailing back and forth about what I could and couldn't do. I got really frustrated and very scared when they said they would talk to department heads on my behalf. Um... no. I'm a sophie in this program, I have no clout, I could be gone like that. I'd like to keep my rep clean, thanks.

You should know that Dr. Daphne is my highest priority behind departmental obligations. It very important to me, but there are some things I have to do. Being a sophomore in the BFA means I am on probation the entire year. I am afraid that trying tor reschedule with department heads could jeopardize my standing in the program. If dropped from the BFA, I don't know what I would do. I'm not saying Dr. Daphne is a hindrance, in fact it will look great on my resume. I'm simply saying I don't want to make waves when my situation is so unstable.

They relented and I felt better. The reading was Monday. I was shocked. It's not a complicated show at all. One act, about an hour long, and the kicker: My part is pretty small. I have some solos, but nothing to myself. I've got one big scene at the beginning and that's pretty much it until I die. From the way they were pressuring me, I thought I was the damn lead. I'm not disappointed though, I'm relieved! I'll be able to get a way more often to work on the One Act and run crew and other department shit.

I dropped Solo Performance. It conflicted with Daphne and I had too many units with the One Acts and crew. It's really sad because the first day was amazing, but I'll be okay. I have two more years.

So, the One Acts are in two weeks, so are midterms for Acting and Movement. Need to choreograph my ball piece. Need to meet with Allie to work our scene from Picnic, which became the musical Hot September! Thanks, [tos].

Daphne runs the last week of the quarter. I'll have to sneak away during Super Saturday to get into makeup for the TV shoot. Oh yeah, it's gonna be on nationwide TV. Directing midterm auditions are Wednesday, Crucible scenes. The Directing finals are scenes from Angels in America!!!! SO EXCITED FOR THOSE!

Simon's Shakespeare class rocks.

Roomie gone, partying it up with the window open.

Got very drunk last night.

Living in IV next year with Andrew, Brian (not from the BFA, Andrew's roommate) and my new roommate Hasmik! Hellz yeah. Trevor Shor would have been magical, but this fantastic bitch will so do. We were gushing with excitement last night.

Well, that's about all... I really tried to streamline things... sorta worked.

-Big D.

Jak Watson- Disney Princesses
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFNz3oB9NbY

Trevor Shor- Delicious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2925bswem2k

Food For Thought:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArzjmxOGBjw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KL4mwQoedQI