Some people...

Dude, like, why is it that some people can totally ignore you and infuriate you and then the next time you see them and they're like, "Haaay!" you're like, "All mad thoughts go to a secret place, happy mask ON." Like, seriously? When someone starts a conversation with you about something upsetting and then you genuinely want to find out if everything is okay and then they just don't reply? Why is that? Is it because you think "Uh-oh, bitch be creepin' up on my personal shit, I shouldn't have said anything... RUN!" Ooh! Or is it, "Fuck, I'll bet he's gonna appear sexy to me in an 'I'm helping you through some shit,' way and I cannot make him think I'm interested!" Or is it just that you didn't really mean to start any conversation, you just wanted to keep me posted like I'm on fuckin' twitter or some shit. "Sad life event happened, just fyi. It's not a conversation point, though, so back off."

Seriously, leading someone on via text should be punishable by some Victorian form of torture. And of course, that person probably just decided to take a shower or go to sleep (even though the latter is still a bit rude) and you suddenly feel like you're right up there with Mel Gibson as an Honorable Mention Douchebag - 2010. Honestly, it's like... I'm over you, so I'm asking out of human compassion... are you okayyyyyyy?

Ooh, I'm missing something important on True Blood, I think. Uh-oh... I have not been watching this episode closely enough. Sookie's a fairy, y'all. Whatever. I want more Jessica!! I love her.

Hmmm... what else shall I talk about to make this post sound less "meh, me no know how to cope with being ignored..."

Legalize marijuana already! Seriously, it's been a long time since the 30s when all the propaganda about it being addictive and dangerous was actually believed. People are smarter today, and they know that it's all bull shit! If everyone smoked, there would seriously be less war, less depression, and less anger in the world. But I'm not gonna go on a weed crusade right now.

Ooooooooooooooh dear... What next?

IT'S OFFICIAL!!! IN THE HEIGHTS ON THURSDAY!!!!!! hell yeah, bitches. Que, sera, sera!!!

Time to continue my night... SB in a week!

-Big D

summertiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiime, and the dying is... apparently not as easy as years past!

I should not be speaking so soon, but I'm very relieved that people aren't dropping like flies this year. If you've been following this shit-sack blog written by this anus-face booger, you'll know that people I know (and celebrities) start dying around my birthday. It's been unavoidable since the summer of 2003 when my dog (who was my same age and had grown up with me) Spicer(oni) was found dead on my birthday, just before my friends and I went out to see a movie. Since then, the time of my birth has been plagued by death. Even Michael Mothafuckin' Jackson... Anyway, nothings happened thus far in 2010, but I still have 2 days. I think this explains the unexplainable feelings of moodiness and edge I've exhibited recently.

In other news, I only have 2 more weeks in Brawley! I will be back in SB very soon, living it up in my apartment and rehearsing for Romeo and Juliet. I started out excited, but now I'm getting nervous... I need to STUDY THE FUCKIN' PLAY!!!

I'm excited for my Vampire Literature class! I don't really give a shit about vampires, but it sounds like lots of fun.

I love Brawley, but I HATE HATE HATE that we are this far southeast. I wanted to visit so many friends this summer, and it never happened.

I also HATE HATE HATE the current farming economy. I've pretty much vowed to not talk politics on here because I'm too independent for anyone to appreciate, but I will say that Obama's administration has done nothing to help farming. And when the fuck did people start assuming that farmers are rich? I will tell you now that these assumptions are LOADS OF SHIT! Just fyi. My point is I had no money to visit any of my friends in NY, the place I eventually want to live and work, the place I've just assumed for my entire life that I'd love, my FUTURE. Never been. Nope.

Oh my god, do you see how moody this post is? I am so gross!

Lets try to think of something happy...

I might see In the Heights in LA soon! That would be fantastic! But, like every other plan this summer, it might die. Hmmm, maybe death hasn't gone away, but remains in the form of dying dreams.

Here's a happy thing... I've been following Everyday Rapture since it was called You May Now Worship Me, and though I've listened to it since last year as a bootleg, I can't get enough of this song.

Um, I WILL make your bed rock... it's not even an option.

Dude, y'all... I'm half way through with college. It's fucking crazy.

Things I'm worried about:

1.) Getting my English minor done/started. Yeah... BFA does make that aspect of college a bit hard.

2.) Finding a job... It's impossible.

3.) Money!!! Who isn't worried about that?


Things I'm excited about:

1.) Romeo and Juliet this summer! Casting TBA.

2.) Turning 20, although I'm not sure how exciting that is... one more year til I can buy alc, but my teenage years are over!

3.) Next years season!! I mean, shit... it's gonna be amazing!

4.) Remounting "McBeth" in the park and downtown, even if it means we have to recast Patrick and Ben... I'm sure the replacements will be so much fun to work with! Andrew, if you still actually read this shit, I'm pulling for you, buddy.

5.) Living in an apartment and being a Junior, and being able to work in the BFA without worrying about cuts... it's going to be a much more safe environment.

And I guess I could go on... it's a very exciting time!

Next year is going to be different... good different. I've gotten so many THTR electives/requirements done that I'll be doing a lot more English classes when I can fit them in, and I might even get to take some breaks from these crazy fucking unit-heavy quarters.

I'm also working on a lot of different material that could morph into... well pretty much anything. I'm considering a few different one person show sometime next year, maybe trying to direct something I've written, and maybe some other random stuff. It's scary, 'cause I've never really put my own work out there for anyone to see... only a few people I trust. It's cray-cray.

And now for some soul-shit. Blogging is hard. I have so much I can't mothafuckin post on the internet... so sad. And that's all the soul-shit.

Also, working (very slowly) on a web series idea with some peeps, mostly Andrew and Brittany Carriger as of now. We'll see! I'm a little worried about copyright issues with music... Who knows, Andrew might have to start mothafuckin composing again. I don't want to legal shit.

Stay cool, swim in a pool, not a canal! You'll die.

-Big D.

I'm a mole, digging in my hole, digging in my soul now, coming down, excavation...

In many ways, this blog is one of the few constant things in my life. It's where I keep a lot of memories, and when I read through old entries, it's like looking through old photos on facebook.

I've changed my opinion on photos. If it's not blurry and I don't look absolutely terrible, I keep it. Why erase yourself? I mean, who fucking knows if you won't look WORSE in twenty years? You may like seeing yourself the way you are, very very soon.

So, just over a week ago, I had an experience I won't go into the details of, but it made me realize a few things. I won't get too far into those either, but I will say I found some extreme emotional depth within myself, and I sort of found out that I do have the means to go deeper than I thought I could onstage. Currently, I'm faced with material in Three Sisters that asks me to weep twice, I believe, as two different characters. It's easy to get around on one, just because I'm going to take it in a direction where I'm throwing myself so far into the madness of my character's love that tears may just come up. I'm finally in the place where I can let go. I'm loosing my loyalties to people who's opinions would hold me back. And as our class shrinks and shrinks, I've found that my relationships with people have changed a lot. I was very hurt after the last cut, loosing people who I had gotten very close to. Loosing a partner is not easy, and I lost one acting scene partner and one movement scene partner.

I'm not really sure what I'm getting at.

-Big D

reasons to be... what?

I never thought I'd be involved in BFA dramz. I'm trapped in a Niel Labute play, a character who needs to express himself but can't do it. Why can't I go back to just talking about the drama?

"McBeth" is a smash.

If you throw a nerf ball over Oprah's hedge, maybe you'll get to go inside her house!

I have been so tired lately. I think it has to do with all the shit I'm doing. Movement is more of a workout this quarter than ever, and then there's the uber physical "McBeth" every night, and on top of those two, the gym is a new hobby. So yes, I'm tired. But I almost like it.

Thursday I slept until 11:30 since we had no Acting that day. Friday I slept until noon. Today I woke up just before 1. I was a little worried at first. Am I okay? I have been a little down in the dumps lately, but I'm pretty sure it's from LACK of sleep... so this is probably good, right? Eh, I don't know... Then I realized, as I stood up and had to try really hard not to fall, that my body is just tired. This weekend is our only break from "McBeth" rehearsals, and I'm just soaking in the relaxation. What's wrong with that? I'm sweating my ass of 2-3 times a day, so why not sleep til noon on my days off? I mean, a traditional New York actor rises at Noon and sleeps at 1 or 2... sort of. So give me a break. To those who say you can't catch up on sleep... fuck you. Why do doctors prescribe weeks of rest after patients experience exhaustion?

In other news, it's been an oddly emotional time, as I've told only a few people. I won't go into details, but I've been thinking a lot about Sam, John, and even my fucking dead pets... weird. And it's all been coming up in my mind in Voice class where we're doing some deep exercises with imagination and vision. Oh, and car accident crap came up too... out loud. I just hope I don't go from Gossip Boy to Tumultuous Conscience Boy, haha. I'm not too worried. Like I said before, it's all sleep, I'm sure. I was averaging 5-6 hours last week. Not enough for an ACTING program.

In other news, I've started/restarted a writing project. No hate about not working on the book, y'all. It's on my old hard drive. I need to transfer it soon, but that probably won't happen until after "McBeth" finishes. Then I'll have some free time.

Saw Date Night yesterday... it was really funny!


Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...

-Big D.

Exhilarated!!

I got cast in Gerry Hansen's "McBeth" and I couldn't be happier! For those of you who don't know, it is a Commedia del Arte version of the Shakespearean tragedy. Look up Commedia... it will blow your mind. Just got back from our first rehearsal which included a read-through, character work, and lots of exploration. I'm sworn to secrecy on all aspects of the production, but the end product is certain to be something I will be so proud of! The rest of my troupe are fantastic, every one of them. Such a physical form of theater is an exhausting challenge, but the results are truly magical. It's sweaty work... not even. It's sweaty play that will soon turn into art. Hell, it is art right now. You all need to come and see it!

Our show is an hour long, and we have three weeks from Saturday... The other three One Acts are all about 15-20 minutes long and they are the first bill (we perform after intermission). Apparently, even though their shows are a quarter as long as ours, and the largest show has half the amount of characters as we do (multiply our 10 characters times about 3 or 4 as far as costumes go), they feel that they have a tight schedule, and so our original opening night is an "invited dress". Nice, y'all. We'll be ready... they apparently won't be. It's a bit embarrassing, really. So our initial Friday night performance is an invited dress. How quaint.
Performances are in the Studio Theater on April 24-25 at 2PM, and April 24 at 8PM. We will also have Shakespeare in the Park performances April 30-May 1 at 7PM in Anis'oyo Park in Isla Vista.
Make sure to check us out!

In other news, we are working on Chekov this quarter in acting. I'm working on a scene from The Cherry Orchard as Trofimov with Garrett Ward, and it's going to be very fun and challenging. Irwin is teaching us for these first 5 weeks and it's been very interesting and honestly very helpful so far.
In voice, we are working on Shakespeare. We will perfect the way we speak his words, sonnets and all. We even get to write our own sonnets and do Poetry Jam Circles in class!

Movement is Acro Yoga... so challenging but AMAZING. Yesterday... I flew. I fucking flew. And I became a whale for a short amount of time. Life is Magical in Jeff Mills's class.
I'm having a ball this quarter, even though it is exhausting. The exhaustion is exhilarating.


-Big D.