Have You Seen Sweetie? Mmm... That girl got some girth on her!

Arrrright! Computer working once more, and I couldn't be happier. No. I couldn't be happier. Oh god, Wicked, go away. So, now I get to fill you in on everything that's been happening these past few weeks, there's a lot to get through, I'll try to simplify.

Week One was filled to the brim with tons and tons of shit to do. I rehearsed with my director for MonoFest about five times in all before our tech/cue to cue runs on the weekend. It was going well, but got a lot better when I found an audience. It ended up being a great piece, everyone enjoyed it, and I was proud. I definitely was not the star of the show, that prize goes to Trevor Shor as Delicious. He inspired me to be a drag queen every night. And it was bottom-line inspiring to watch him transform into that character so seamlessly, using bits of himself and his sense memory (we'll get to that) in order to create Delicious, which he did in a most sensitive, careful way. I believed him. Video link at the end.

Jak Watson and Emily Mckeown performed my monologues, Disney Princesses and Blood, both of which were huge hits! The crowd was totally responsive and those two talented actors really gave my pieces life. Their directors deserve a lot of thanks and gratitude from me.

Tuesday Week One was One Act auditions, I used Cuckoo's Nest, perf'd for Shaun, Colin (the directors) and Tom, my acting teacher, who was the faculty advisor. Tom gave me a laugh at the end, I felt good, and both directors shot me callbacks. Success! Callbacks were the next night, I read the plays, "prepared" my sides, and went in confidently. Reading for Colin was so much fun because I was grouped with classmate/scene partner Jordan, hammy Ben Margolith, stunning Kelsey Foltz, and radiant Maggie Yeomans. We all had ridic British accents and Maggie couldn't have been more kind after, wanting so much to work with me. Shaun's callback was next, and I didn't feel too hot about a few of my scenes (I was called for two parts), but when I finally did one with Emily Mckeown and Robert Torres, we rocked it.

I left the callback and headed over to Dr. Daphne auditions at CCS. Sang my song, read a million sides, two of them Russian (thank you Eastern Promises and Mr. Mushnik's yiddish). Sat there forever in the green room with the other auditioners, some my close friends. Throughout the night, things got really weird. I kept hearing how desperate they were for men, that they needed seven males and only seven auditioned. I was getting nervous because I had planned to not take Daphne if I made it into the One Acts. There was even a clause in the Daphne paperwork that said you could not be in any other productions along with Daphne. So, at the end of the night, I was told I was cast, though not for which character. I freaked, and went back into the theater to touch base with the director and musical director. The theater was full of the writers and techies (all thirty of them) as it had been when I sang/read.

After explaining my situation, they kept saying things like, "Well, you have such a gorgeous voice, we really need you in our cast. Is there anyone in the BFA who can sing as beautifully as you can? You are just so perfectly what we're looking for." I explained that I would love to do Daphne, but would have to cede to Department shows if I got in. They understood eventually, and promised alternate rehearsals if needed. I finally surrendered and left. It was eleven.

I checked the cast list on my way back. Shit. I was in! Shaun had cast me in a small part with one line. I felt on top of the world! I was cast in my first One Act! And tons of my classmates had made it in, too! Shit, what would this mean for Daphne?

I then realized I left my bag in CCS, set off to get it, hoping it wasn't locked and deserted. Ran into the Music Director, told him I had a small part, would probably be able to do it. "We need you." Blablabla... I had to jig open a window and crawl into the locked green room. Thank you movement, jeff mills, and increased flexibility! Then, I talked for a while with some of the writers. Their enthusiasm for the project touched me. I suddenly felt I had to give their work a voice. This is a section of the email I sent to the director after that:

Original work is very important to me, and I think it is lamentable that the Theater Dept is not presenting the New Plays Festival this year. I chatted with some of your writers and composers last night and realized that giving a voice to their work is something I can't wait to do. In short, thank you for overseeing this, as opportunities like it are hard to come by. Thank you for your kindness and understanding, and for trusting me with your and your students' art.

I have a lot of conflicts with rehearsals and that made for a terrible week of emailing back and forth about what I could and couldn't do. I got really frustrated and very scared when they said they would talk to department heads on my behalf. Um... no. I'm a sophie in this program, I have no clout, I could be gone like that. I'd like to keep my rep clean, thanks.

You should know that Dr. Daphne is my highest priority behind departmental obligations. It very important to me, but there are some things I have to do. Being a sophomore in the BFA means I am on probation the entire year. I am afraid that trying tor reschedule with department heads could jeopardize my standing in the program. If dropped from the BFA, I don't know what I would do. I'm not saying Dr. Daphne is a hindrance, in fact it will look great on my resume. I'm simply saying I don't want to make waves when my situation is so unstable.

They relented and I felt better. The reading was Monday. I was shocked. It's not a complicated show at all. One act, about an hour long, and the kicker: My part is pretty small. I have some solos, but nothing to myself. I've got one big scene at the beginning and that's pretty much it until I die. From the way they were pressuring me, I thought I was the damn lead. I'm not disappointed though, I'm relieved! I'll be able to get a way more often to work on the One Act and run crew and other department shit.

I dropped Solo Performance. It conflicted with Daphne and I had too many units with the One Acts and crew. It's really sad because the first day was amazing, but I'll be okay. I have two more years.

So, the One Acts are in two weeks, so are midterms for Acting and Movement. Need to choreograph my ball piece. Need to meet with Allie to work our scene from Picnic, which became the musical Hot September! Thanks, [tos].

Daphne runs the last week of the quarter. I'll have to sneak away during Super Saturday to get into makeup for the TV shoot. Oh yeah, it's gonna be on nationwide TV. Directing midterm auditions are Wednesday, Crucible scenes. The Directing finals are scenes from Angels in America!!!! SO EXCITED FOR THOSE!

Simon's Shakespeare class rocks.

Roomie gone, partying it up with the window open.

Got very drunk last night.

Living in IV next year with Andrew, Brian (not from the BFA, Andrew's roommate) and my new roommate Hasmik! Hellz yeah. Trevor Shor would have been magical, but this fantastic bitch will so do. We were gushing with excitement last night.

Well, that's about all... I really tried to streamline things... sorta worked.

-Big D.

Jak Watson- Disney Princesses
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFNz3oB9NbY

Trevor Shor- Delicious
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2925bswem2k

Food For Thought:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArzjmxOGBjw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KL4mwQoedQI

How cool is my kitty?

I'm having one of those times where I feel extremely bombarded by things I need to do, yet I don't do them because I can't really do them.

I'm memorizing Chez Pirate, which is good.

I need to decide on a monologue for Winter One Act auditions. Between one from Burn This, Cuckoo's Nest, or Pillowman. The auditions are Tuesday, so I really need to decide and start working. It's just so hard when you're working on something completely different. I'm guessing I'll end up doing Burn This just because it won't take as much work to make it interesting, but I'd need to learn it. I've done the other two previously, but I think they could be much better.

I need to decide on a song for Dr. Daphne auditions. It's through CCS, and I'm guessing I won't be able to do it anyway, but I'm auditioning for the experience. Well... I sorta hope I won't be able to do it because I'll get cast in something else. The sad thing is, I'll most likely be cast and have to tell them no.

I need to sign up for Run Crew and not fuck it up again like last quarter.

Those are the four big things on my mind right now. In reality, I have enough time to complete them before I got back on Sunday for sure, it's just daunting to think about.

These are my preferences for getting cast this quarter: One Acts, Dr. Daphne OR Shrunken Heads Aida/Producers/whatever the fuck they choose to do, Directing Midterms + Finals (I'll do these along with anything), and I'm still not sure of the specifics of my Solo Performance Cabaret class. Not sure if we'll all get to perform or just certain ppl who have good shows or what. Maybe it's just seniors. In any case, I'm pretty sure that I'll be the only sophomore in there. I know for sure that Madeline is taking it, so that will be fun as long as I don't annoy the shit out of her, haha.

Other than casting, I'm trying to sort out my summer options. I have an application for a counselor position at the Idyllwild Arts Summer Program, but if I did that, I wouldn't be able to do Naked Shakes. I know a lot of people from the Soph class will do it, and I've been really looking forward to it, but there is still one more chance to do it if I don't this time. Only thing is, it might be fun to work for a Summerstock or something my last summer.

Okay now, you may think I'm getting ahead of myself since there are still two more rounds of cuts to come, but I like to think of it as "keeping my options open." Don't think I'm overconfident. I'm still scared shitless of being cut. Regardless of cuts, I would still want to do Shakes, as well as the Ashlyn trip. So, here we go y'all. Options:

1.) Take Idyllwild job, make some money, go to Ashlyn OSF. Possibly not with the group since it's expensive to pay the University Fee without taking other classes.

2.) Do Naked Shakes, work during the day as a way of making money, and go to Ashlyn.

3.) If circumstances dictate my dismissal... fuck my life if that does happen... Either work in Brawley over the summer or Take a ton of summer classes to get ready for graduating with a different degree. Oh how it pained me to write that.

We'll see what happens. I'll apply to Idyllwild and see what happens, I just don't want to tell them no, since they probably won't hire me again after that.

Okay, time to get back to life. BTW, I've pretty much accepted the fact that I write these blogs for me.

-Big D.

Your potato salad butts. Mmmm. All slathered in mayonnaise.

That's a little spoiler from the monologue I'll be performing in the Monologue Festival in January. I'm so excited! I'm extremely grateful to have been cast, as well as to have two pieces I wrote be performed in the festival! I'm not going to release them on here, but I'd be happy to show them to you if you facebook, skype, or email me. They're quite funny. And they will be performed two absolutely fantastic Juniors, Jak Watson and Emily Mckeown. They will surely breathe life into my work.

Yesterday was a very hard day. We lost five fantastic actors from the the BFA, dwindling our class size down to 20. If the goal size is 12-14, there's still a long way to go. All the upperclassmen were so sweet. When we walked into the lounge where we waited to hear our fate, we found a box of donuts from the cast of Five Women Wearing the Same Dress, munchies from Tarah, and Amanda brought us home-baked cookies. I had just forced myself to eat lunch, so I wasn't hungry. I'm continuing in the program, but it is still sad to think of the fine people I won't have in classes next quarter. One of them left by choice, but it was still hard to say goodbye.

In my eval, the faculty stressed one thing: "Let your freak flag fly." I've been a bit reserved this quarter, internalizing a lot. With my monologue demanding me to play a crazed Somali pirate in constant search of food, who's deferred dream is to open a starchy food restaurant... I think they'll be pleased.

My liver hates me. Thursday night, I participated in Whiskey Night with a friend from English, in celebration that that ship has sailed (though not for me, since I need to turn in my paper still.). I was drunk off my ass and a bit stoned. Friday night I was clean because the next morning was Super Saturday, which went very well. That night, I got drunk at the Super Saturday/Tarah's Birthday party! Sunday night, first cut party. So many wonderful pictures that will never get to facebook. Monday night, blazed with some BFAers at Nico's, then went to the Five Women cast party and got drunk. I was high as balls. Erika was freaking out about how hilarious I was. I love bongs. I just never get the same high from a piece or blunt.

Now it's Tuesday, my paper is going to be a day late when I turn it in at 330 tomorrow, and I have to live with that. No substances tonight. Just plain work. It could very well become an all-nighter, but I'm hoping to hit the hay at about 3 AM.

It's so odd to have upperclassmen congratulating me on my Super Saturday scene, the cuts, or the monologue festival. I feel so honored to be working in this fantastic program! I mean, I'M GOING TO PERFORM IN THE STUDIO! I, Dylan Hale, got cast over how ever many people auditioned in those 5 hours on Sunday. Shit! This isn't gloating, this is dis-belief. Hot damn!

Well, I'm going to change into pants so that I can go out into the cold and eat with ET. Can't wait to see all you Brawley people over the break. I'll be home Sunday. Roomie leaves tomorrow, and I have three days with the room to myself! Hallelujah!

Love to you all, and thanks for believing in me.

-Big D.

if wishes and buts were clusters of nuts, we'd all have a bowl of i miss you (thank you alliemenz)

on days like this
when the sun glints a little too brightly
and the body is half numb from
the previous night's frolic

i remember the old summer days
of curly fries and cookie shakes
and laughter

lizzie maguire
sex and the city
far and away
and recently
weeds

how i wish those days joined with these days to add

true blood
and angels and
summer heights high
the brothers bloom
and the oc

but you're gone

taken away by a man on a horse
waking with him at first light
so i cannot drunk dial you at 2 in the morning

this man on a horse is a wonderful man
but am i not wondrous as well
we each live by mountains but ocean i see
and i have the cool seasons weather
not he

but we all need a man on a horse
and who can say that dreaming brings him no closer

but if your horse gets restless
and your man cannot jump
and they desecrate on your life before galloping past
i will help you clean away the horse shit

repay me in time

Socks + Shoes = Less Crackly Feet

In a very confused place right now. Not really sure how much I should tell you.

So, my Acting midterm went very well, at least I thought so... until I talked to Irwin about it. "It wasn't realistic. Real people don't act like that. I have no idea what you are thinking right now. You were completely on display. Whats more, it was all like this *floats hand in straight line*. It didn't change. It wasn't real." Can you say it with me now? DISCOURAGEMENT! So I went to the rest of them, ready to hear that same things since they had all discussed them. Here is what I heard:

Michael Morgan had nothing to say except that my breath should have changed when my character went through his change. Otherwise, fine. Good voice, strong presence.

Jeff thought it was good, wonderful voice, great presence. For the movement midterm: Loosen up in the trunk, but otherwise very good. Awesome steadiness when I held Adam, great using principles from class, and adapting to the notes he gave. "A joy to have in class/Love how you approach tumbling." I was so in shock at this one, I forgot to tell him how much I love being in class.

Annie thought it was "Lovely. A really beautiful moment of truth... so simple." She did say that it had been better once in the rehearsal process, but there was nothing to worry about. Then we chatted about my scene, which I'll get to.

Tom said he only wrote on note: Nice. "Sometimes, the light bulb is on, and sometimes the light bulb is off. It was on. Hahaha... it was on!" Love this guy.

So yeah, everyone but Irwin thought it was pretty strong piece. Odd, isn't it?

Jordan and I have been working very hard on our scene (BURN THIS, by Lanford Wilson), and I've done a lot of character work on Larry. I was excited to present it in class for the second time, off book. Sadly, Annie had a lot to say to us, especially me, on things we weren't really getting right. I felt so bad for Jordan, having to stop so much. She even said at one point, "I know it's hard when you have a character this loaded to stop and start like we're doing. I'm so sorry." She said it in no way blaming me, but I felt responsible. The sad thing is, she would say, "Okay, lets stop. Good, you guys, really good. (Pause.) Larry, is this a comfortable situation? *No.* Right, and you are showing the uncomfortable, which is great and true. But is Larry good at putting on a show? *Yes.* Yes. So I really want you to plant yourself." Easy concepts, but tough when you're doing it over and over, and things start to blur, and you can't go four or five lines without stopping again. I know every bit helps, but it's not easy, and I feel like it looks like I've done no prep work.

Because today was a holiday, she didn't have office hours. I'm going to try to catch her tomorrow to ask her some questions. I think I know what my problem is. I've done a lot of work on Larry's relationships with the other characters, his goals, arc, and spine, but what I need to do is scan the scene, internal-monologue it, in a way. And I need to do more work on finding him physically. So that's what I'm confused about. I'm in this place where I feel comfortable and scared at the same time. I got great feedback on midterms, but I'm struggling with Larry. Granted, a lot of this is probably psyching myself out, but I'm genuinely worried. I want to get Larry right. I know him. I love him. I really share a lot with him. It's hard to realize you're playing a character so close to your heart wrongly. Failing in class resulted in feeling like general shit, and a big heap of loneliness. I have tons of close friends here, don't get me wrong, but I really miss talking to some people, especially people who don't have Internet. Seriously, we live in America in the 21st century. This is not okay. I really needed to talk, but right people weren't on facebook, texting is ridiculous for serious conversations if you don't have a Blackberry, and calling wastes minutes.

Auditions for Winter Quarter shows are a week from Saturday. Annie is going to be acting in Kingdom City, which makes me want to be in that one even more. It's going to be hard to get, and I haven't even read the script yet, but I really want this. I'm going to give it all I've got. Risa is doing that, and the script is still being tweaked, so it's not available to read yet. Jeff is doing Trojan Women, and sent out the audition pieces, all speeches.

In non-BFA news, I saw The Brothers Bloom last night, and it was fantastic. Totally cheered me up. Highly recommend it. My Music 20C midterm went amazingly. I did It's Hard to Speak My Heart from Parade, and really nailed it. I was so into the character of Leo. If you don't know Parade, look it up and prepare to fall in love. Did I mention Annie was in it? Now working on an Italian opera song.

Still hate English 10. Need to read The Bluest Eye.

King's class sucks as usual, but not having it today was amazing!

Thanksgiving is fast approaching, and I'm very excited. It's Tucson again, and Johno and his bf KC are going to be there this time! Looking forward to some substance abuse maybe???

Well, that's it, y'all. I fell like there's so much more, but there's not. Listen to Parade, ask if you need a link to the OBCR, and watch The Brothers Bloom.

-Big D

Don't judge bag ladies. The woman sitting outside vons just might be a Ti Moune reincarnate.

I am currently sitting in the Loma Pelona Center, not studying. They're probably going to kick me out in about 5 minutes, which is ridiculous. Why does a study room close? Anyway, a few things on my mind.

I've started a journal to chronicle my experiences in the BFA. It's great because I can write about all of the drama that will happen and not get shit for it! Seriously though, it will be very fun to read in a couple years.

Got too drunk last night. God, I loves me some cheap wine, but it doesn't seem to love me. It's terrifying to wake up with a receipt in your pocket, but it's nice to know that between the 8 dollar burrito and the 3 dollar bagel, I chose the bagel. At least drunk me doesn't forget that I'm a poor college student.

I have King's midterm on Monday. Kill me. I hate Iceman Cometh, didn't read much of All My Sons, have not bought or sparknoted Member of the Wedding, and didn't buy the reader. King sucks ass for making me spend so much money, anyway.

Our Acting midterm is Tuesday. I'm so excited to see what the other class has come up with, but also very nervous for the faculty to see my piece. It's in good shape, and Annie really hasn't been able to say much about it in the way of critiques. However, there is still part of it that I'm going to work on Monday night after my King-term. I'll be sure to tell you how it goes.

I've stopped being a wuss about my car-accident-arm and started doing cartwheels in Movement. They suck, but I'm doing them. Headstands are not getting any easier because I can't seem to balance my legs. The whole "hand stand kick and balance against the wall" move is something I just haven't been able to master yet. It's so scary to be facing the hardwood, pushing away from it. I feel like I should scream, "Fuck back, wood floor!"

My English class continues to suck. I can tell it's going to be sucking me dry all quarter and I'm getting a little nervous. Uh oh, here come the CSOs.

Yep, just got kicked out. Now back in my room. Annoying ass roommate is pretending to sleep. I'm in a mean phase right now, so take this lightly: I will be so relieved when this assface leaves after winter quarter. Only a few more months, Dylan. March, March, March! By the way, he doesn't believe in social networking sites, so I can complain assured that he won't find this. Well, nothing's for sure in this crazy world. And anyway, he's the best roommate I've had so far, it's just that he doesn't ever leave, goes to bed by 12 at the latest, and is visibly annoyed when I go out to party. He also has some strange habits I don't quite get, but more on that later if y'all want to know.

My scene assignment for the BFA Super Saturday final involves cocksucking. More later.

Although I'm in a downer state right now, I still can't help but think how amazing my life is.

A few days ago, I was walking up to a friend's room for dinner. She lives on the third story and there was this girl in front of me that I quickly caught up to. I thought she was walking slow because she was tired. But at the second story, she stood against the wall and turned her head toward me, giving a weak smile that suggested, "Pass me." I can't explain the welling up of emotion I got from this girl. It was like all of the sudden, I was softly exuding sadness. I walked ahead and got to the top of the stairs some fifteen seconds before she did. I tried to walk slowly for some reason I still don't know. To make her feel better about herself, I guess. She quickly passed me. It was only on the stairs that she walked slow. We headed in opposite directions after a bit, and I was able to observe her walk. She was faintly limping a la Laura in Glass Menagerie thanks to one leg that was shorter than the other. I'll never forget that adorable, flustered face surrounded by bright red hair. Those eyes that communicated so much. I know for sure that she didn't just have a temporary injury. Those were the eyes of a person who grew up with that disability. The way her shoulders rose and her neck caved in, in an attempt to hide her blushing cheeks... it was all the body language of a sweet, beautiful, inverted childhood. I am in love with this girl. I don't think I can ever forget her. I could get really analytical here and say that I'm instantly attracted to "weak women" (see Bethany Tomberlin, whom I cannot find after eight years of searching, and Wheel Chair girl, who was the subject of a weird ode thing in junior year of High School), but the attraction isn't the same. By the way, don't mistake this for love. There are many different planes of human connection. I hope that the loving, accepting smile I gave her was enough to tell her that I cared. I'm hesitant to say that my heart aches for this girl, because I imagine she revokes pity and can survive easily. Hell, she passed me when we were walking on flat ground! But I know some things are a challenge and I just wanted her to know she had my love. It's my project to find this girl and either talk to her face to face or at least stalk her on facebook. Maybe it's better not to know her. No matter what, she'll stay with me forever.

I hope I wake up tomorrow refreshed and happy.

Enamored with this mystifying redhead.

-Big D.

What did you do in college today?

I did a headstand. Fuck yeah, bitches. I did this:

Not even kidding. Jeff Mills is a God. "It's the small victories," he said, after I thanked him for the day's class. I was freaked out that I would hurt my arm (it's been almost 2 years since the car accident) but everything was fine. It's a lot easier than it looks! The balancing is the tough part. Also, I can TOTALLY do a backward roll now! I was having so much trouble with them at first, but now I'm so pro. Well, I don't want to get cocky. But I've got it down now.

Today was so busy. Voice and Movement from 9 to 12 and then a Movement workshop with Tim Miller, a fantastic artist whom you should look up. He's very political and socially active. The Supreme Court struck down his case against the US Government for taking away his Artist's Grant because of homosexual subject matter. "Standards of decency" are constitutional criterion for federal funding of the arts. Can you believe that shit? Basically, we have no freedom of expression when we use Uncle Sam's money. His master class was very cool. We created our own 30 second pieces in groups of 3 and 4. Mine was very abstract, but he really liked it. The other three people totally gave me a chance to act in theirs. All in all I played myself, a sourfully neglectful father, a fat pervert in a grocery store, and a delicious red apple. I was approached as the latter all damn day. I must have made an impression.

Then I had American Drama in which my phone went off on the LOUD setting! So scary, especially because everyone was falling asleep. I ate with Cassie, constantly asking why she was eating her birthday dinner with ME, and then went to Tim's performance at the Multi Cultural Center. After, I hung with Cassielicious, ate a cupcake, told my famous toilet pregnancy story, made a few friends and then came home. Did some homework and now I be bloggin'!

Oh, I forgot. I went to see Irwin after Drama, and we had a really great little chat about Rabbit Hole, my excitement about the program, Tim's workshop, and I spilled my heart about how amazing it is to be taught by Annie. I feel like when Irwin and I talk, it's a mutual lovefest of the arts. I passionately speak of my love, excitement, frustration, fear of my craft while he nods, wide-eyed and with a deep sense of wonder, as if to say "Yes, I know. You don't know how much this speaks to me. Go on. I am listening." Finally, I left after an invitation to come back next week like always. I later remarked to Cassie that I hoped he had cleaned my jizz of of his casting couch so that Trevor Wade (who came in after me) had someplace to sit. Yeah... self-rape is kinda how I described our passionate chats to CassMcGass.

Well, I'm going to get up EARLY tomorrow to eat breakfast with Cassie and Liz. Don't have class til 1:30 and it's my ONLY day that late, but I'm gettin' up at 8:20. Ew. Need to sleep. I also need to memorize a beautiful poem for a character I'm doing in Annie's class. I started with the picture below and then found a poem that I think creates a really dynamic character. I'll explain more after tomorrow's workshop with it.

The Serenity in Stones

Simon J. Ortiz

I am holding this turquoise

in my hands.

My hands hold the sky

wrought in this little stone.

There is a cloud

at the furthest boundary.

The world is somewhere underneath.

I turn the stone, and there is more sky.

This is the serenity possible in stones,

the place of a feeling to which one belongs.

I am happy as I hold this sky

in my hands, in my eyes, and in myself.

'Night, all.

-Big D