I am currently sitting in the Loma Pelona Center, not studying. They're probably going to kick me out in about 5 minutes, which is ridiculous. Why does a study room close? Anyway, a few things on my mind.
I've started a journal to chronicle my experiences in the BFA. It's great because I can write about all of the drama that will happen and not get shit for it! Seriously though, it will be very fun to read in a couple years.
Got too drunk last night. God, I loves me some cheap wine, but it doesn't seem to love me. It's terrifying to wake up with a receipt in your pocket, but it's nice to know that between the 8 dollar burrito and the 3 dollar bagel, I chose the bagel. At least drunk me doesn't forget that I'm a poor college student.
I have King's midterm on Monday. Kill me. I hate Iceman Cometh, didn't read much of All My Sons, have not bought or sparknoted Member of the Wedding, and didn't buy the reader. King sucks ass for making me spend so much money, anyway.
Our Acting midterm is Tuesday. I'm so excited to see what the other class has come up with, but also very nervous for the faculty to see my piece. It's in good shape, and Annie really hasn't been able to say much about it in the way of critiques. However, there is still part of it that I'm going to work on Monday night after my King-term. I'll be sure to tell you how it goes.
I've stopped being a wuss about my car-accident-arm and started doing cartwheels in Movement. They suck, but I'm doing them. Headstands are not getting any easier because I can't seem to balance my legs. The whole "hand stand kick and balance against the wall" move is something I just haven't been able to master yet. It's so scary to be facing the hardwood, pushing away from it. I feel like I should scream, "Fuck back, wood floor!"
My English class continues to suck. I can tell it's going to be sucking me dry all quarter and I'm getting a little nervous. Uh oh, here come the CSOs.
Yep, just got kicked out. Now back in my room. Annoying ass roommate is pretending to sleep. I'm in a mean phase right now, so take this lightly: I will be so relieved when this assface leaves after winter quarter. Only a few more months, Dylan. March, March, March! By the way, he doesn't believe in social networking sites, so I can complain assured that he won't find this. Well, nothing's for sure in this crazy world. And anyway, he's the best roommate I've had so far, it's just that he doesn't ever leave, goes to bed by 12 at the latest, and is visibly annoyed when I go out to party. He also has some strange habits I don't quite get, but more on that later if y'all want to know.
My scene assignment for the BFA Super Saturday final involves cocksucking. More later.
Although I'm in a downer state right now, I still can't help but think how amazing my life is.
A few days ago, I was walking up to a friend's room for dinner. She lives on the third story and there was this girl in front of me that I quickly caught up to. I thought she was walking slow because she was tired. But at the second story, she stood against the wall and turned her head toward me, giving a weak smile that suggested, "Pass me." I can't explain the welling up of emotion I got from this girl. It was like all of the sudden, I was softly exuding sadness. I walked ahead and got to the top of the stairs some fifteen seconds before she did. I tried to walk slowly for some reason I still don't know. To make her feel better about herself, I guess. She quickly passed me. It was only on the stairs that she walked slow. We headed in opposite directions after a bit, and I was able to observe her walk. She was faintly limping a la Laura in Glass Menagerie thanks to one leg that was shorter than the other. I'll never forget that adorable, flustered face surrounded by bright red hair. Those eyes that communicated so much. I know for sure that she didn't just have a temporary injury. Those were the eyes of a person who grew up with that disability. The way her shoulders rose and her neck caved in, in an attempt to hide her blushing cheeks... it was all the body language of a sweet, beautiful, inverted childhood. I am in love with this girl. I don't think I can ever forget her. I could get really analytical here and say that I'm instantly attracted to "weak women" (see Bethany Tomberlin, whom I cannot find after eight years of searching, and Wheel Chair girl, who was the subject of a weird ode thing in junior year of High School), but the attraction isn't the same. By the way, don't mistake this for love. There are many different planes of human connection. I hope that the loving, accepting smile I gave her was enough to tell her that I cared. I'm hesitant to say that my heart aches for this girl, because I imagine she revokes pity and can survive easily. Hell, she passed me when we were walking on flat ground! But I know some things are a challenge and I just wanted her to know she had my love. It's my project to find this girl and either talk to her face to face or at least stalk her on facebook. Maybe it's better not to know her. No matter what, she'll stay with me forever.
I hope I wake up tomorrow refreshed and happy.
Enamored with this mystifying redhead.
-Big D.
